Adios, Crazy Cat Lady!

So there I was just searching the internet for crazy cat lady pictures when something went very, very wrong. Kind of. It was also hilarious. As part of the Great Purge of 2014 I found myself highly motivated to get rid of all the cat-related items still lingering in our garage and then, when I wasn’t looking for a reminder of any sort, I was hit in the face with a banner reading “Mother of the Year.”

I’ve always had cats, my whole life, as long as I can remember. The first cat I had as a child was a ragtag black cat with hints of rusty red in her fur, a crooked half-tail, and all the patience in the world who we found at a gas station somewhere between San Antonio and Santa Fe. I called her Cinderella Lauper—Cindy—after my then-favorite Disney movie and the only natural progression for the mind of a child in the 80s, the seeker of all things fun, Cindy Lauper. She was an affectionate cat all the way until the feline leukemia took her. Fast-forward twenty years to find me offering every remaining cat-themed supply in my possession up on an internet group designed for free exchange of goods and services, preparing to load some random accompanying image from Google to add a laugh, and discovering a video of obvious pornography on my husband’s laptop when I go to retrieve my image.

A quick glance at the properties showed me that the video was actually a very brief file of a nude woman doing leg lifts… like the exercise—am I the only one who thinks it’s odd that this would be arousing? like, to anyone, ever?—from  a site called After an intense bout of laughter at the thought of such... dare I say deviance, and a few clicks to delete the evidence, my husband and I pondered which one of the boys had made the accidental click that no doubt ended in a frantic closing of all browser windows and an immediate deletion of search history. I think we’ll leave that one right in the recycling bin my son(s?) imagines it was put in years ago, a hilarious and endearing reminder how bizarre adolescent inquiry is for everyone.

Suffice it to say (and without further embarrassing the children) I had cats when I was a kid and pretty much every day thereafter and now I don’t. All of the pet things I hoped to give away were weighted reminders of the companionship of animals I can’t currently house. Though having a box of shit in my house to tend to would most certainly put me over my edge, I still miss each of the cats I’ve had in the past. With one kid pretty much anaphylactic due to the dander, however, remaining pet-free is no question for me. Giving these things away empowers me to let go of the distant and impatient longing that comes with refusing to fully let go of my life as a crazy cat lady. This is clearly a step in the direction I need to be heading right meow.    


Autumn said...

OMG, I read this first off as though your husband had this file on his computer on purpose… and DIED LAUGHING… amazing.

a palpable paradox said...

Seriously, Autumn, it was hilarious. Initially I thought it was what it appeared to be so I asked him immediately, but my husband reads like a book so it was pretty obvious the file was courtesy of one of the boys. Teenager? Tween? We will never know...